Invisible
Summary: Julia will always be invisible to Dy. Well, she was going to change that. Or, well, fate will. Or...whichever.
Julia groaned as she heard her phone blaring All Out of Love by Air Supply again. She swore she did not hit the snooze button the last time! The retarded thing was suppose to shut the hell up and stay that way!
After awhile of rummaging through the disaster that is her tangled sheets, pillows and clothes, she finally found the damned nuisance and practically stabbed the off button. She chucked it to the headboard and it landed with a satisfying thud on the mattress.
She couldn't procrastinate any longer or else she would be late for class. Julia glared at the empty bed next to hers. It seemed like her roommate had already left. 'Bloody wanker!' Julia thought furiously. 'Could have bloody woken me up!'
She dragged her still lazy bones and muscles to her desk chair and quickly switched the power button to her laptop. It came to life painfully slow. Julia drummed her fingers on the desk like a staccato of fire arms while waiting. On second thought, she stops the movement. The noise was giving her a headache.
After what seemed like forever, Julia could finally insert her password. "Fucking machine," she grumbled under her breath.
Julia quickly checks her email and saw with dismay that no notices came announcing her morning classes was cancel or the likes. Bummer. Looking at the clock, she calculates how much time to prepare before she was actually late to class. 20 more minutes and another 10 to reach class. She shrugged. Still manageable.
A big fat sigh escaped her lips. What she would give to just curl back up in bed with her new book that she's been meaning to finish for ages but alas she couldn't always get her wish.
Julia was about to put her 'Bumblebee' (pet name for her laptop) into hibernate but quickly decided against it, opting for a slight detour to Facebook. Yes, she knows she's late, thank you very much!
She scanned her most recent news feed and saw nothing of particular interest so she decided to search for her crush instead.
Diana (Dy) Brown
Wth are you getting mad at me for? If you needed someone to vent at, vent to your bloody coach, Bitch! Not me. You're the one who wanted that bloody position. Deal with it. Ugh.
Julia stared at her status in amusement. Her Dy wasn't usually so prissy and was always calm and collected but once she blows up, boy, you better have life insurance or at least, a first aid kit nearby. She smiled fondly as she remembered how Dy had beaten up the kid in soccer for making fun of her flat chest. Dy was a totally insane chick but that's why she loves watching her from afar.
Feeling much more rejuvenated than before, Julia made a dash to the showers with a spring in her step.
She wasn't blind as to not know that her Dy was talking about that whore she's in a relationship with. Always stuck up Emma. Always picture perfect Emma. Always good in everything Emma. Best friends for life Emma. That's all Dy ever talks about.
They deny that they were a couple to anyone who asks but Julia can see how Dy's hand would linger on Ems, how they are always unbearably close to each other, how Dy would have this look in her eyes reserved only for her...
She was disgusted at that thought. What did Dy see in Ems? Everyone knows Ems is just a slut. She practically slept with the whole Rugby team for gods' sake! Well, not the wholeRugby team, but not the point. The main jocks always make it a point to announce to the lunch room that they had 'tap that' every chance they got whenever Ems passes them.
She didn't even deny anything! Only wink and says "Anytime, Babes!"
Julia clenched her notes in frustration. Packing them neatly was far from her mind at the moment.
Dy deserves someone so much better than that! Dy is so kind and talented. She's sincere and honest. Always speaks her mind. Love sports. Jazz and classical music. Egg tarts. Dresses like one of those Korean Hip Hop artists. Have a soft spot for kittens. Funny. Cute. Witty. She definitely deserver someone better! She deserve—
Julia stopped her train of thoughts and slapped a hand to her mouth; her notes lay strewn all over the floor. No! She cannot think that. Julia was definitely not good enough for Dy. She—
"I never had a dream come true..." her phone sang on the bed.
With more agility then she thought she ever possessed, Julia immediately grabbed the phone on her bed, saw that her friend's miss call, finally noticed the time, practically shrieked like a banshee and ran for class like her life depended on it. Boy, was she in so much trouble!
Julia had to stop and take a few calming breaths or else she would definitely loose her heart. She was still 2 blocks away from her class with just 3 minute into class time. 7 more minutes to go before he locks the door! She can do this!
Finally catching her second wind, she was about to run again when a car stop besides her. She glanced down to see Dy in her deep purple Porsche.
"Quick. In."
Blushing a deep red, she did exactly just that. Julia could just blame it on the running, if Dy ever asks her, though she never did. This was the sixth time Dy gave her a ride. It was so cool!
Being here, with her, beside her, was like all her many wishes had come true, even if it were just for a few minutes. Just for once, Dy would look at her and not through her. Though, she wishes all her mental faculties were not at an all time low as if mesmerized by Dy's smooth driving skills so she could impress Dy with something witty or funny – a joke maybe? Nevertheless, she was struck dumb and all Julia did manage to squeak out was a small "Thank you."
Dy just turned and flashed a very beautiful sincere smile her way, not one of those fake ones she had to conjure whenever the need arises. It was simply breath taking.
Julia had to turn away from that smile to hide her growing discomfort and the blush that she knew was betraying her emotions. How did Dy manage to make her so flustered all the time?
Julia was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard her phone screaming All Out of Love again. She was confused as she rummages through her book back for her phone. That ringtone was only for her alarm. Julia had made sure to stab that bloody off button when she woke up. Why was it ringing? A reminder?
"Oh! That must be mine!" said Dy sheepishly. Julia stared as Dy reaches her arm to the back seat for her dark purple Nike bag. They have the same ringtone! Well, almost for the same usage but still. When she finally got it, Dy just gave the bag to Julia.
"Find it for me, please? Smallest pocket." She said hurriedly as she turned a corner into the parking lot.
Julia quickly fish for Dy's white iPhone 4s in the smallest pocket. She takes note that Dy keeps cherry lip balm and a small vial of ointment in this particular pocket beside her phone.
Once parked properly, she just handed the phone to her. Dy swiped the key code and reads the text message she had received in frustration.
A loud thump was all the indication she had received to signal Dy's ire. Julia turned to see Dy had hit the steering wheel very hard and was glaring ahead at something.
"Class is cancel." Dy ground out through gritted teeth.
Oh.
'Well, I guess I can read that book now.' thought Julia happily. She wanted to grin and yip in joy but thought that Dy might just think her to be childish if she did so she just kept the apathetic look going.
Since the silence was growing uncomfortable save for Dy's furious typing, Julia decided to reply to Dy's statement.
"Motherfucker, that one." Julia said and shrugged in nonchalance. So what? Mr. Kruger always did shits like these even though she had checked all her emails before coming. Last minute cancellations were his lecturer's forte. She was not surprise anymore but she was relieved. No class! Julia was definitely amused that Dy wasn't as happy as she was. Which reminds, her, she turned to stare at Dy only to find that Dy had turned to stared at Julia in awe.
The stare was making her fidget nervously. So Julia had asked "What?" a bit more defensively then she wanted.
Dy merely shook her head and smiled brightly at her companion. "Never thought you were the swearing type, Maria, it's all. "
Julia winced. Ouch. "It's Julia."
Now it was Dy's turn to wince.
"Ah, well, nearly there, right?"
Julia just shrugged again. Her heart had plummeted to her bum when Dy hadn't remembered her name. No one remembers her. She had thought Dy was different but she was just proven wrong. Not able to stay much longer (or hold back the tears that was beginning to form), Julia made to leave. Class was cancel. No use wasting people's time or hers.
"Wait. Where are you going?"
That made her stopped in her tracks slightly. "Library? I dunno. Somewhere." Julia just grumbled under her breath and opened the door to leave. As she closed it, she couldn't meet Dy's eyes as she was still upset but mumbled a very grateful "Thanks for the ride," before spinning on her heel and left.
Who was she to kid herself? Boys don't notice her. What chances does she have for girls to notice her? Her with her too pale skin. Slightly overweight body. Thick glasses. Too Curly black hair. Back-dated fashion sense. Ugly... Yeah, definitely didn't know who she was kidding.
"LOOK OUT!"
Wheeling around to look at what the commotion was about; Julia was shock as a Biker ran into her. Yes, into her. Bloody. Hell. Fucking cyclist! Luckily, she have high tolerance for pain so she just ignored it for the moment.
She glared at the guy now lying on top of her and shoved him off of her with contempt. She hated when she was touched by men. The guy just moaned in pain and tried to get up. Julia faltered in her rage and help pulled the guy up into a sitting position at least.
Looking around, she noticed that her book bag was thrown in the air somehow and the contents were now splayed all over the area. The wind chose that time to pick up and blow all the paper further from her. She groaned. Now she would have to gather all these paper up. She was startled as a hand was place on her shoulder.
A familiar face greeted her when she looked up. Dy. It was weave into heavy concern. It was a novel experience to be on the receiving end of that look.
Dy was now kneeling down beside them and was talking to the injured cyclist. He says he's okay but he was just having a huge migraine before. That's why he had hit her. Julia had guiltily thought that he was drunk or something.
By now, Dy had pulled out a mini first aid kit from her bag. She handed the Cyclist – Tom, some Aspirin and her water bottle. Tom took them gratefully and immediately consumed some of both. After he was done, he turned to Julia and began saying strings of apologies.
Julia waved them off and said "It's an accident."
After making sure both were okay (Julia's heart was fluttering slightly at the concern in Dy's voice), Dy had began foraging for her scattered notes. Not wanting to trouble her further, Julia decided to help even though Dy made her stay put. Later, they had enlisted the help of Tom.
It was going to be a lost cause if she expects to find all her missing notes but she didn't particularly care. She could just photocopy it of someone else. The mind maps would have to be redone but that's no problem. She liked mapping her thoughts. Julia was about to announce her defeat to the other two when she saw both huddled over something.
Curious, she went over to them to see what they were looking at. Upon closer inspection, she was struck speechless. They were looking at her sketch book! Those pages were filled with drawings of Dy! Everything was of her. Basketball practice. Lunch. English. History. Mall. Dream-
Julia was hyperventilating now. Her heart beats on a mile a minute. She immediately cross the short distance it took to reach them and snatch the book from their hands. Clutching it to her chest tightly, she was mortified to see the unreadable look Dy was giving her.
She breathes in and out trying to calm herself. Think positive. Positive! Maybe...maybe Dy hadn't seen all the pictures? But that thought was shattered when Tom commented "I like the last picture. Good shading."
Her face was as red as a tomato now. Fuck! The last picture! It was from her dream!
"I...I..."
Tears were definitely falling freely now.
"Tom? Would you please leave? Now."
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
That voice sounded cold. Chilling. So unlike Dy's usually aloft and carefree voice.
Why the hell did she taken up sketching as a hobby? Why for the love of all things sane did she took that bloody book with her all the time? WHY?
Tom nodded, sensing the tension building. Not wanting any part of it, he left immediately while shaking his head. All Julia could think was 'Traitor!' as she watched his retreating form.
Julia shuddered when Dy simply said "Explain."
What to do? What do you do in situations like these? What the fuck do you do? She could come up with three rational thoughts. One: She runs away and hopes that everything will just blow over. Though she didn't think it will. Two: Deny, deny, and deny some more. She was good a lying but she didn't think Dy will believe her since the sketch book does have her name written on the front. The last option was to tell her the whole truth. That was absurd.
She looked up through her eyelashes at her awaiting companion. Dy was expecting an answer. Julia looks around at all the people walking by. It feels like every eye that met hers was judging her. Her every action. Every move. She was feeling suffocated, especially with Dy's undivided attention.
She just looked up at Dy pleadingly as if to say "Not here". After a moment, Dy nodded and plucked the book away from me. Julia wanted to stop the taller girl but she didn't have the strength to. She didn't want to fight Dy.
Dy just held the book for a moment, as if lost in thought. Then, a determined look settled in her eyes. She turned to Julia, grabbed her wrists and dragged her off to the parking lot area.
It was a long way to the parking lot actually. She wondered whether Dy had followed her. In fact, the voice that called out to her before the accident now seemed to sound like Dy.
Nevertheless, Julia didn't let her mind dwell on possibilities. It never does anyone good. Instead she focused on the now.
The warmth in Dy's hand was a welcome to the now cold ones of Julia's. She tries to remember every inch of the roughness as it tightens around her wrist. It was aching her but she didn't care. It was Dy. Julia would give her the moon if Dy asked for it. She couldn't deny Dy anything. She didn't care if it had hurt or if it was Dy who was the one hurting her. She loved this women infront of her. Which is why she stared at their hands sadly. Soon, all this would be over. She had decided. She will tell her everything. Of her feelings and obsession with the taller girl.
You only live once, right?
Once they reach her Porsche, Dy merely pointed to her car and let go of Julia's wrist. Dy got in and waited. Hesitating for only a millisecond, Julia got in the car as well with trepidation. She clutched her bag tightly as if to form a barrier between her and Dy but it wasn't helping her nervousness.
Dy had ignited her car and drove off just as soon Julia got in. The silence was pregnant. Killing. Where were they going? She wanted to ask but was afraid to. She didn't want to see her Dy being mad at her. Closing her eyes tightly, Julia wished she had just stayed in bed like she wanted too.
After awhile, she opened her eyes to watched Dy and wondered again where she was taking her. Dy was emotionless the whole way, mind far, as if lost in deep contemplation.
Looking at the blurring scenery, Julia could only deduce that they were heading for the Trench - a wide open space near the junk yard. Mostly people go here for privacy of the outlining forest ahead but Julia can't help thinking morbid thoughts of gunshots and burials.
Was Dy going to harm her? Wait...what the hell was she thinking? Dy is not a murderer! She swear she was going to lay of the murder mystery books once this whole situation blows over.
When they arrived to the clearing, Dy parked near a tree, got out and leaned against the car while flipping through the pages of her sketch book. She waited patiently for Julia to get out as well. When Julia did got out, Dy only gave her a brief glance before flipping through the pages again.
"Explain." Dy parroted her earlier statement.
Julia sighed. This was it. 'Prepare for a broken heart, Julia.' She said bitterly.
Meeting Dy's eyes, Julia confessed slowly "I...have fallen in love with you. Always have since I first met you in first year."
She stopped but immediately continued, feeling like a damn had burst; the words running free.
"You were cool back then as well. You make people laugh. You make me laugh." Julia's voice faltered a bit. "You're very witty and smart. I love listening to your comebacks to the Lecturer's enquiry. I try to get in all the same class as you but it was kindda hard. I wanted to hear your voice everyday. I...always love reading your status updates. It's like my personal drug of happiness each morning."
"You're very good with basketball, ya know? I love coming to all your practices if I could. Sometimes, I skip class to watch you practice. You...you're...I mean...you're..very cute." She finished it off lamely.
What else can you say? She can't convince Dy to like her, for who was she to be liked by a popular kid? She had basically just admitted to being a creeper, stalker and the book that Dy was scrutinizing at the moment only proves that Julia's a pervert. She won't be surprised if she'll receive a restraining order after this.
With a sigh, it was time to accept facts and move on.
"I don't expect my feelings to be returned or anything but it's just how I feel, since you asked me to explain. I don't want to intrude on your time any longer than I already have, Brown. I'll... just leave."
A hand shot up and holds her in place. What? What more did Dy want from her? She needed to leave immediately. Julia didn't think her heart can handle any more hardships for one day. She did turned to face Dy though albeit slowly.
Dy wasn't looking at her though. She was staring at the last picture in the sketch book. The picture was of Dy posing like one of those French girls with very few satin to cover her body. It was just a dream but it was so vivid that the image haunted Julia's waking hours until she just had to engraved it on her sketch book before she losses her mind. It took a while to get all the shading, angles and curves right but she managed.
"For someone claiming to love me, you sure are giving up quickly. Julia."
Julia didn't know how to respond to that except with a hitch in her breath at the drawl of her name.
Dy now gave Julia her full attention and Julia wished she didn't. She had to look away from that intense stare.
"You're not very pretty."
Julia's head had snapped back to stare at Dy in opened mouth shock. No. That's not what she meant. She wasn't insulting her, right?
"You're always socially awkward too."
Julia can't stop the hurt she was feeling at that comment and she had no comeback to that.
"You scare people of with your high grades."
It's not her problem that she had to keep up her scholarship! She ducked her head then to hide the tears. Frustration. Anger. And a deep surge of sadness pooling at the bottom of her heart.
"Your glasses are too huge."
Julia pulled her hand free from the girl's grasp and took a few steps back from her as if burned. She clenched her hands by her side. 'See if you could try finding better glasses at cheap prices, bitch! Not everybody owns a Porsche like you do!' her mind had screamed what she refused to say out loud. She wanted to hurt Dy so badly but she just couldn't She loved the girl too much to do so. Gritting her teeth at her weakness and balling her hands into fists that now practically dug into her skin, she wanted to lash out. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run away. Even though she had braced herself for the worst, she didn't expect this amount of verbal abuse from her once idol. She scrubbed her face harshly trying to destroy the evidence of her tears.
Dy had walked up to her and placed a hand under her chin, forcing Julia to look up at Dy. She had cupped Julia's face with one hand and removed the glasses with the other. All Julia wanted to do was look away. She couldn't stand to stare up at those big black orbs.
"Though..., every single one of that were not too mainstream like the others."
Confusion highlighted Julia's eyes. She didn't get what Dy meant by that but she couldn't care less anymore as Dy had swooped down to capture her lips into a rough passionate kiss. This was a dream! It had to be! Any moment she would be waking up. But everything felt so real. The way their tongue danced and how Dy's hand had traveled up and down her spine...it.. was real. She moaned lewdly at the thought and this merely encouraged Dy even more. After awhile, they broke apart for some much needed air.
Dy placed her forehead against the shorter girl and was panting hard. Her black eyes were boring into Julia's like she wanted to devour her.
"I...don't get what's going on." Julia whispered uncertainly. "Do you...like me or hate me?"
"You think?"
"I...don't know, Brown. I just don't know."
Dy grimaced. "First of all, lose the surname. It's annoying. Secondly, yes. I do, idiot." She smiled before kissing Julia lightly this time.
"Well, I can hardly tell with the insults you just threw at me." She really tried stating that without the accusation underlying her tone. She really did but Julia failed miserably.
"If you care to pay attention, it was an observation."
"Well, no wonder you're not majoring in Science then. Your observation sucks."
That got a laugh from the taller girl. "And you call me witty?"
"Well, thoughts could be amended."
Dy grinned down at Julia. "You wanna know something?"
"Yeah?"
"I kindda like you myself. Before all of this. I always admire your passion for studies. In fact, the only reason I got good grades was because of your mind maps. Didn't you notice that you were the only one I copied notes from?"
Julia blushed. She was so confused and happy at the same time at the compliment. Too many mix emotions running amuck in her head. It's making her slightly dizzy just thinking about all this new turn of events.
"But, you still don't remember my name. And what was that...everything being mainstream?"
Now it was Dy's turn to blush. She put her hands in her jeans and looked away.
"I have problems remembering people's name. So, I just give animal nicknames to people to easily remember them. Like a code to jog my memory, yeah? And the mainstream thing was about everyone else. Everyone's acting like celebrities that the forget how to act normal. I like normal."
Julia blinks once, twice, before bursting out into fits laughter. Dy just scowled at the girl and flips her head. It wasn't funny! She really had a hard time with this. When Julia had regained her composure, she stared at Dy and asked, "So, what's mine?"
"What?"
"What's my animal nickname?"
"Oh. Badger."
"Badger...?"
"Badger." Dy confirmed.
"Should I even ask...?"
"No. My mind works in a twisted way."
"Don't worry. I trust you on that."
There was a slight silence before Julia began the next round of conversation.
"I always thought I was invisible to you, Br- Dy."
"Hmm. I wish. I like how you don't boast about getting into the Dean's List every semester like all the other girls. How can you say you're invisible when loads of people look up to you?"
Julia chooses to ignore that statement and asked "I had always thought you liked Emma though?"
"What? My step-sister? Are you insane, that's like...incest. "
"She's your step-sister? I didn't know!"
Oh. Gods. That was embarrassing! Julia was blushing again. All this time she had bash on her, turns out she was an innocent bystander. Well, it still didn't exclude her slutty behaviour.
Dy chuckled and entwined their fingers together. "There are many things you don't know about me. And I, you." She kissed Julia's lips again. "For one, I didn't know you could draw and didn't know you were so sarcastic."
Dy brought their entwined hands up to rubbed it against her face. "Maybe we should take the time to get to know each other better? What do you say? Stop being invisible to the other?"
Julia freed her hand from the entwined state and pinches herself lightly to make sure she wasn't dreaming, just in case. She wasn't and it hurt. Her actions amused Dy. Julia finally turned to face the women that had brought so much emotion in her than she could ever feel in a lifetime. Julia already knew the answer before it even escape her lips.
"I'd like that very much."
With that, Julia gave Dy her first genuine smile.
The End
***20/4/2012***
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