Qualified

In life, there's always a matter of qualification and certain criteria you need to match. This is in order for you to qualified for the something you applied for. Being the overly not so fair lady that is life, sometimes you have to go through your sad pitiful days at not being qualified for something. Boo Hoo.

In mine, I have many bittersweet experience in this field. 

1. You're not qualified enough to be a perfect child for your father. He went and find new ones.
2. You're not qualified enough to be recognized by your fellow siblings. They ignore you, like you don't have a sister. No birthday wishes. No asking how you did for your exams. Nothing.
3. You're not qualified enough to be a good daughter. Mother always complains about you in front of everyone. You feel freakish. Not perfect enough.
4. You're not qualified enough to be in the Science Stream. Even though there were people with just 1A that still manage to get there.
5. You're not qualified enough to pursue your secret ambition at being a doctor. You're just too dumb.
6. You're not qualified enough to go to a more qualified university. Quote above.
7. You're not qualified enough to get a scholar. You don't do sports. You can't run for your scholar. You're not needy enough. You have parents who hogs all their money to themselves. I know, they deserve it, you don't. You have nothing.
8. You're not qualified enough to get a full loan even. 'Cause your elder siblings are working. Your mom only have you to support for, regardless of your parents' marital status. Your mother and father's income alone can support you to your Masters. These loans are for privileged and qualified individuals. You need to recheck your criteria and see whether you fit the bill, dear. -blinks-

Yep. Joy of life at not being qualified for anything. -headdesk-

I even have dreams about jumping of a building from these topic. :/ 

This needs a few more days for self-misery to gnaw away my bones before I can push it back to the back of mind, like the rest of my more aggrieved emotions. 

Until then... -curlsunderblanketatputsonblairingmusic- 

Leave me alone. 

The Mediator

Or in other words, Talam dua muka. 

-sigh- 

I have good friends and I love all of them! I respect them and their opinions. 

However, it's hard for me when they have something against each other and start throwing faces at each other and you're suddenly forced into a situation where you're the middle person. I don't want to do it, honestly, but sometimes, you ending up agreeing to both even though their thoughts on each other differ as peanut, butter and jelly differ from each other irrevocably.  

-headdesk- Thus, instead of having them find out from someone else, I'm admitting my mistake here. I am only human. I didn't mean to make you think that I say A to you and to someone else, I'll say B. I wanted to appease your angers, agreeing with your comments wholeheartedly while you were at the heat of the moment. Perhaps maybe even discriminating the person you were angered with along with you. 

Truly what I hold in my heart though? I think all of you are awesome, smexy girls, but let's all love and no hate? T_T There may be something I dislike about you, and I know, there are somethings about me that you may not like as well, but please, we're adults, more then capable of a higher level thinking process. Let's act professionally. 

I stutter. Sometimes an arrogant fool. Obnoxiously loud at most. I forget my friend's birthdays, even my fiancee's. I break promises. I hate when I shouldn't. I love when I should focus. I smile at the oddest times. Laugh. Cry. Made mistakes. I live. I feel. 

Just like how you make mistakes, I do too. I forgive. Let bygones be bygones. 

Peace no war, please? And let's not act like little bitches with sarcasm throwing around like daggers? It's making me very sad. :'(

4 years is still far to long a journey to get through, and I don't feel going through that in blood or fire.