Masquerade

I've been keeping old movies in my netbook just for stock in case I encounter situations of sheer boredom that I would simply bang my head off. It seems that moment came rather sooner than expected. Though, instead of doing the masochistic activity I've suggested, I opt to actually watch some of the movies in there. One of the movie I watch was "Phantom of the Opera --2004 version".



My reaction to it? LOL Truly overjoyed. I've forgotten how much I love Gaston Laroux's work but the movie merely rekindled an old affinity I had for it. It's safe to safe I've gone mad in search of more things related to PATO to drown myself in. Movie soundtracks, Audiobooks, Novel, pictures, research on it, debate forums and etc.

Before, it doesn't help that I had been feeling particularly lonely and defeated in the things I do. What does help now though is this welcoming distraction at last. A distraction from my destructive mind. Its been going on this gruesome tangent for awhile now. One that I refuse to admit out loud but I will to you, dear bloggy. It's not as if people actually read the fop I write here, right? -laughsbitterly- Right.

I don't think I have to elaborate how destructive my thought patterns are becoming. Or let me just describe simply? Every time I am on the edge of danger, my mind screams furiously and my heart whispers softly "You just need one more step." Sadly, these days, it takes great resolves that I never knew I actually had to pull back and say no. To both of them.

I find it incredibly humoring that my friend don't understand me when I told her. Either she refuse to, or I am a great riddle that I've manage to elude her of my actual pain or that she is simply too thick to try an understand me. Whichever the case may be, I find myself too hurt to speak to her that I keep making excuses to avoid her. Her, with a perfect life, and perfect family that I would trade places with in a heartbeat. Her, who I really want to slap in the face for starting to remind me like a whinny puppy. Needy and disgusting. Ungrateful.

-sigh- Let me not ruin this post by not sounding too emotional. How about I just describe my new found obsession, shall I?

As I've mentioned, I wanted to drown myself in more PATO related material so I wouldn't be reminded of my mental aggression. I've download a few soundtrack from the 2004 movie and I find myself drawn to a lot of its lyrics. Andrew Llyod Webber did a marvelous job in the music and the lyrics. =D

Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade.
Masquerade!
Hide your face, so the world will never find you!

That is an except from a song I particularly like and a source for the title and my deep contemplation of my life. Unfortunately or fortunately for my fellow readers, I need to leave. My assignments do not do themselves. Adieu.