Dreamscape

A woman can do and say anything they want, nevertheless they can't deny that they need something or someone to anchor them to reality. A strength to hold on too. Perhaps some deny this, saying they are strong enough on their own without the need and compulsion to depend on other people.

My question is this: Could you?

Whichever the case may be for you, we are talking about me. I am not such a strong women. My existence and overall sanity wholly depend on people's approval. What ever I do, I expect a thank you or an acknowledgement in some way. I fear rejection to much. I am to far ingrained in this thought process that I can not compute any other way. No motivational speaker, book, or friend has thus succeeded..or tried in achieving a positive result. My will is far to weak and I am far to pathetic in that sense.

How do I overcome it? How do I survive this if I solely depend on people's approval that I never get?

Dreamscape. People try to define it to me in many different ways. Like, an obsession or cowardice. Perhaps just the landscape of a dream. However, I define it is as an escape. A way for me to retain my sanity by being with people in my dream who don't try to dictate the way I should live my life. People whom are genuinely happy to be around me. People, who, pain as for me to admit, does not exist past my dreams. 

When everyone around you, especially those you have loved, come thundering over you, enforcing their will on you, your natural response is to rebel. When they start belittling your being, your very existence, bordering on ignorance, you need to escape. Cause if you don't, you start to believe them. Believe that you are such a worthless human being. I've come to understand that to much overwhelming emotion can literally kill you.

Whenever this happens, often enough, I come to my world. To be me. To keep my sanity. This past three months, I wasted no time in building up walls and going to my safest haven. Have you heard of  Harry Potter? If you do, surely you know of the illustrious Mirror of Erised. They say men has wasted away infront of this mirror. I realize that my Dreamscape is just like this Mirror. It shows me the things I desire the most and I have wasted to much precious time playing with my nonexistent loyal friends.

A part of me ache at the thought that I'm slowly slipping into insanity. However, what else should a girl do? Nobody cares! They can't see the ache, the pain, the anguish, fear or desire. They don't see anything but their petty lives or their needs. Desperation aside, perhaps I am such worthless individual as many claim me to be.